6/18/2019 4 Comments
Trans activists LOVE saying that we shouldn't care what's between people's legs -- because when it comes to gays and lesbians, conversion therapy doesn't work, but when it comes to "cis" people dating trans people, for sure you can teach yourself to love genitals you aren't attracted to.
"Would you break up with your boyfriend if you suddenly found out he were trans?" they ask.
The answer, frankly, is yes.
It's not about his penis. If my boyfriend were a soldier who lost his penis while serving, I would, of course, stay with him. He would still be him -- and he's still got his tongue, right?
If my boyfriend suddenly developed severe erectile dysfunction -- I would, of course, stay with him. He's still the man I fell in love with, right?
But whether I found out that my boyfriend somehow either didn't have a penis or did have a surgically-made penis but not the appropriate anatomy to produce a child with me... it would still be a relationship-ending event.
The person has been lying to me since the moment we met.
You weren't honest with me, so we never had any relationship to begin with.
Before our first date, you denied me the opportunity to make an informed decision about whether a date with you is worth the time and risk, both emotional and physical (according to pre-#MeToo Louis CK, "The single greatest threat to women... is men.) Maybe I take breakups hard, and I only want to entertain a relationship with someone I could have children with. Maybe penis-in-vagina sex is super important to me, and you don't have a penis. Maybe I don't want to have to use sex toys with my new romantic partner (or maybe I live in Alabama, where the sale of sex toys is illegal). Maybe for reasons about which I don't owe anyone an explanation, I don't want to date a trans person.
You took advantage of the fact that you "look" like a biological male to mislead me into a date with you. Because -- yes! In the very words of Everyday Feminism (which, ironically, is basically the most anti-feminist and disempowering garbage you could possibly read), "When someone says they like men, you can bet they mean they like cis men."
Image: Banned By Everyday Feminism
For most people, sexuality really isn't that complicated.
Before the first time we had sex, you denied me my right to informed consent. Perhaps you somehow tricked me into thinking you had a penis, then penetrated me with something else (a la Boys Don't Cry -- though I have no idea how common this is, or whether it's even a thing) -- which, technically, sounds like sexual assault. As per California Penal Code 289:
(d) Any person who commits an act of sexual penetration, and the victim is at the time unconscious of the nature of the act and this is known to the person committing the act or causing the act to be committed, shall be punished by imprisonment in the state prison for three, six, or eight years. As used in this subdivision, “unconscious of the nature of the act” means incapable of resisting because the victim meets one of the following conditions:
Or maybe you had surgery, so I thought you had a male reproductive system, but you do not. Meanwhile, what if the reason I consented to sex with you is because I thought you might be the father to my children someday? What if I thought you were potentially someone I could marry, and I made the decision I did because I thought I was starting a life with you? What if I thought you were being honest with me, when almost everything you've said has been a lie?
Trans people often go on Twitter and tweet about how their lives are constantly in danger. They complain that people might beat them up or kill them after finding out they had sex with a trans person.
Meanwhile, they're doing to others what the law would technically consider sexual assault.
One way to avoid a situation in which someone feels so strongly that they become violent after sex is to give them the required and appropriate information to give informed consent before sex.
We all have a right to informed consent.
When I told you I wanted children someday, you sat there and acted like that was something that was totally possible for us -- even though you knew it wasn't. Not without invasive, expensive, and unnatural medical intervention and the involvement of a third-party sperm donor.
Maybe I don't have $100,000 lying around to pay a fertility doctor. Maybe I don't want to be injected with sperm. Maybe I'm modest, or a survivor of abuse, or for any other reason whatsoever (and, again, I don't have to justify it to anyone) don't want anyone poking around my hooha with a turkey baster.
When we talked about our childhoods, you left out this hugely important and impactful part of your life. How can I look at you the same way, when I feel like I don't even know you?
Really, the argument that you would still love your long-term romantic partner if you suddenly found out they were trans holds no water, because the only way that could possibly happen is a relationship full of lies. It's not about the penis (or lack thereof). It's about the lies.
What else are you lying about?
How can I ever trust you again?
So... what if we aren't in a long-term thing? What if we go back in time, to that very first date? In a previous post, I discussed a video by trans activist Dennis Riley, which begins with the questions, "Would you date someone who was trans/black/fat/disabled?"
Riley makes it sound like these are all deep moral issues, but I can answer the questions quite easily:
1. No, because I want biological children and don't want to deal with gender dysphoria.
2. Yeah, maybe, if he were super smart and funny and outdoorsy and compassionate and amazing.
3. No, because if you're fat, your lifestyle clearly isn't compatible with mine.
4. Probably not, because I spend a lot of time exploring islands, mountains, oceans, jungles, and forests that aren't ADA compliant, and I want a partner who can explore these places with me.
I think arguing that you would only like a trans person if you didn’t know they were trans is a poor argument. I think you could be attracted to any trans person, whether they "pass" or not.
Sure, you can feel attraction without "knowing what's between their legs" -- though, if the person "passes," you've probably made a pretty solid assumption, and one that is correct about 99.9% of the time.
But attraction is more than just liking what someone looks like. It's liking who they are as a person, and who you could become together. If I already know we could never have a future together, my attraction to the person dies.
I have a male friend who has a penis -- this alone is not enough to make me want to date him, despite my tendency to "genitalize" people. He is also genius-level intelligent (the sexiest thing a man can be), super funny, incredibly physically attractive, compassionate, athletic, the works.
However, he's a workaholic who's in his office six days a week. He doesn't leave town often, and he rarely travels.
Therefore, although I find him physically attractive, I am not attracted to him, because there is no way we could never have a future together. There is nothing "complicated" about our friendship, despite his hotness, because I just don't see him that way.
Similarly, if I knew a trans person with all the same positive traits as my aforementioned buddy, but couldn't father my children, I wouldn't be attracted to him, because we could never have a future together.
Leaked emails show that scholars and journalists are afraid to cite research or express evidence-backed opinions that conflict with extreme trans activist views. It's getting... kind of weird and scary. When Aziz Ansari "pressured" a girl into sexual contact, the world wanted to watch him burn.
But when trans activists try to pressure lesbians into dating people with penises... anyone who thinks that's gross is some kind of bigot. Here are just a few screenshots from Lesbians at Ground Zero: How transgenderism is conquering lesbian bodies:
And here are some of the tweets I'm referring to -- trigger warning: they're super gross and rapey. I'll start with one that was directed at a 13-year-old girl.
Regardless of gender, sex should always be consensual, and never be forced or coerced. If I say I'm not comfortable with something or I don't want something, that is all that matters.
No one has a right to my body or my affection, no matter how "oppressed" they are.